Every girl is going to love a guy who will never love them back and as she sits there crying because he will never want her, she doesn’t realize that across town there’s a boy thinking of her. A boy who would give anything to see her smile, make her laugh, or kiss her in the rain. A boy who would never make her cry because he doesn’t want her. But she will forever be chasing the boy who will never love her, instead of giving her heart to the one who deserves it. – Nishant Gunjan
I promised myself I’d never go down this path again. And look where I am 10 years later. The same familiar path I was stuck on a decade ago.
The old me was a prick. He put himself before others and was selfish. Greedy. Made fun of the poor. Pointed and laughed at beggars. He was the guy who got a rise by seeing those less fortunate. He was severely damaged by his loneliness and the scars of past relationships. He had fallen truly in love only once. And the girl broke his heart over and over and string him around, only to say he was too “morbidly obese” to deserve her love.
Those words. THOSE WORDS. Those words made him give up on the female species. They were all hoes, whores, sluts, cunts, cum dumpsters, bitches, and gypsies. He lived Bros before Hoes and it showed.
With his anger came determination. He scored a nice job and a new car. He had a generous bank account and stock options. He ate and ate and ate and didn’t give a fuck. He dined well. He ate well. He gambled for fun and he didn’t care.
And at the end of the day, he was alone. He was depressed. He was sad, angry, and miserable.
Since then he has lost that nice job, that new car, and his bank account has pennies.
He met a girl who was kind to him. She liked what he liked. They bonded. Became great friends. Hung out often and made each other laugh.
He went down that path again. For the second time, has fallen in love. And for the second time, he can’t have her.
He is at a loss. He fears that he is going to repeat the cycle. His health is no longer as it once was and he fears dying in his sleep.
He also thinks death could set him free. Free from his unhealthy body, free from no money, free from being in love.
But deep down he knows that’s not what he wants.
There are far more worse things out there. He could be in a worse scenario. But he’s afraid of the hard work it is going to take to get him where he wants to be.
She pushes him. She is not like the first. She doesn’t degrade him. She doesn’t mock him. She doesn’t make fun of him.
But she also doesn’t love him. And it kills him inside. Sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in. When he thinks of her with another, he drives himself nearly mad. Anything to put his mind off of the subject he will do. He knows he can’t force her.
He also knows he can’t give up. He has to fight for what he wants. And it’s her. He knows it. He feels it. As you feel the sunlight warm your skin on a sunny spring day, so is the feeling he feels when he is with her. And the intensity of it when he isn’t with her.
It’s a disease that has no foreseeable cure.
And the crazy thing is, he isn’t looking for a cure.
He would rather be wrapped up in all of her. His love for her is as vibrant as the colors of a beautiful butterfly.
And it’s bittersweet.